The bride chooses her bridesmaids and honor attendant

Ideally the bride and groom work together on these decisions, to share the workload and to make sure both are happy with the plans. A small list of basics:

  • Set budget
  • Choose date, style and site for wedding
  • Meet with ceremony officiant to discuss details
  • Coordinate invites, flowers, photographer, etc.
  • Shop for wedding bands (each pays for the other’s)
  • Write wedding vows if they choose
  • Send thank-you notes for all gifts.


The bride chooses her bridesmaids and honor attendant. She plans and hosts the bridesmaids’ luncheon and gives her attendants thank-you gifts, and buys a gift for groom.

The groom chooses his groomsmen and best man and picks their attire. He buys thank-you gifts for his attendants and for the bride. He arranges and pays for the marriage license and the officiant’s fee, and he reserves a block of hotel rooms for out-of-town guests.

The role of bridesmaids on your friend’s big day!

Take a Poll
If it’s a big bridal party, it’s going to take a lot to coordinate everyone’s schedules and dates. Do the MOH a favor and create a Doodle poll of the next few weeks or months. Pass everyone’s available weekends to the maid of honor so she has a built-in head start before the planning has even begun. To thank you for the help, she might just turn to you again as the plans start to take shape.

Set Up a Surprise From the Groom
The maid of honor has tunnel vision on the bride, so turn your attention to the groom. Coordinate with him to set up a sweet surprise for the bride. Offer to order a few bottles of champagne, from him, at a dinner on the bachelorette. Or set up a time to meet on the big day so he can hand off a sweet card or wedding gift, without seeing her before the walk down the aisle.


Keep it to Yourself
Most importantly, if you’re feeling left out, keep it to yourself. The biggest favor you can do for your bride is keeping her out of any friend drama. Keeping tensions low while she’s stressing over the wedding plans is vital.

Make it a Group Effort From the Beginning
As soon as the first bridal party email goes out, take the initiative to get everyone involved. Reply to the maid of honor and suggest divvying up the tasks — from desserts for the shower to finding the best hotel deals for the bachelorette — based on each bridesmaid’s strengths. Make suggestions, but leave it up to the MOH to give out assignments so she still feels in control. And be sure everyone gets a task — you aren’t the only one who wants to lend a hand!

Take on the Bridal Party Coordination
Heading out of town for her bachelorette? Let the maid of honor focus on the hotel and dinner arrangements, and you focus on the maids. Coordinating flight times, cabs to and from the airport, and who’s traveling together is an important detail the bride shouldn’t have to worry about while the MOH has her hands full. But you’ll make it look easy as can be.

Let Her Tackle the Big Tasks, You Take on Small Ones
Chances are her maid of honor has been dreaming of this wedding just as long as the bride. Don’t take that away from her. Let her execute her vision of the perfect shower, but offer to take on smaller details, likefavor bags or picking up the matching bachelorette t-shirts. It’s the little things that can stress a MOH out, but are a cinch for you to tackle.

Be a Sounding Board for the Bride
Whether it’s tension with her MOH, or the maid of honor has just had enough of the wedding planning, make yourself available to the bride whenever you can. And listen to what she says. You might just find a task hidden in her venting. Is his mom driving her crazy? You’re now on mother-in-law duty at the wedding. Is she stressed about the boutonnieres? Offer to pick them up on your way to the bridal suite.